Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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