Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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