This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
