singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
