i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
