Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
