Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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