wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
