im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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