you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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