When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize