I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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