I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
