the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
