Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
