Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
