there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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