Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
