if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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