fuck your aforementioned shoe
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
