I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
