Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
