doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
