woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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