I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
