she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
how does that bad decision feel?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
