I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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