At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
