You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
