I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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