Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
