The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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