did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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