I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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