Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
