haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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