I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize