her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
