I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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