on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
