Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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