I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
