We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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