The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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