I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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