I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
