I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
