Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
