I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She told me I should be a condom model.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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