seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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