I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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