u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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