he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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