I just pynch a tree in the face
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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