i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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