never play flip cup with pint glasses
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Found your dick twin last night
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
