Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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