Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
