Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
