You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
