went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
