i think my tv is drunk
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
