if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This baby is an asshole
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
