Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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