Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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