I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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