Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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