I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Randomize
