I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
