He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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