Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
