She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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