I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
