are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
