i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Randomize
