it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
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LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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