I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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