So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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