One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
