oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
