i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
