Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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